follow that unicorn on the road to love

Some people are surprised that I can tell my mum pretty much everything. & yes I talk to her about boys. I show her who my crushes are, & she gives her comments. I’m actually really grateful because she kinda opens my eyes whenever she cracks a joke about how not crush-worthy they are.

She’ll remind me that I deserve way better and that my future is bright. I don’t quite know why I feel like I have to like someone. It brings me to my next point, actually, but I’ll save that for later. I think perhaps it’s meant to be that these people don’t like me back. The very first guy has to be super-duper special.

So, yesterday I realised that he (my latest sorta-crush) is really in love with someone else. His words bordered on melodramatic but as I read I couldn’t help but feel…sad. Touched. Honestly, if those words were meant for me, I would’ve cried. But they weren’t. Can’t help but wonder who the girl is. She must be pretty amazing to have someone like her so much, huh.

Invisible by Taylor Swift is the perfect theme song to describe the situation. Well, technically the girl does know of his existence since they’re friends, but she doesn’t seem to be responding to his confessions of love or whatever, so.

We’re so alike in this sense. I think we feel things deeply, so when we like someone we kinda exaggerate and make things out to be all big and serious. & if that person doesn’t like us back the way we wish they would, we make ourselves sad by listening to songs like the aforementioned, or reading quotes about unrequited love. We wonder why and try to analyse every single little detail.

Are we masochists or simply hopeless romantics? & are all hopeless romantics like this? Why do we torture ourselves when the person is obviously not right for us? We convince ourselves that we’re in love with the person and that it’s a tragedy that they don’t love us back, but honestly, The One has to be out there somewhere, and we’re wasting our time and efforts on The Wrong One.

It’s almost like Julian Treslove in The Finkler Question. He is obsessed with loving a woman whom he hopes will one day die in his arms. Just as he finds the notion of dying in a lover’s arms beautiful, we find that pining for the affections of someone we cannot have equally beautiful.

I’ve always had this inclination to find beauty in tragedy, honestly. I love reading angst-ridden fics/doujinshis and crying my heart out. When I like someone, I tend to stare out the window, put on a serious expression and think about them, or why they don’t like me back.

guess it’s why I love SasuNaru so much (:

We shouldn’t take love too lightly,  but we don’t have to take it so seriously either.

You know, back when we shared a class, there were 2 times when I caught your eye and I thought perhaps you wanted to say something to me. You had a slight frown, or your eyebrows were furrowed…either way, you looked serious.  I didn’t know you liked someone else then, & I didn’t like you at the time, so I played with the idea that you might have thought something about me, at least.  Something positive.

On hindsight you were probably spacing out and I happened to look your way, or the sight of my face made you upset or …nothing. Hey it’s only human (or girl) to over-analyse and assign meaning to stupid coincidences. Maybe in some funny way you recognised that we were similar. You’re slightly more hardcore though when it comes to this stuff. haha. Maybe it’s because you think it’s love.

I’ve only ever dared to use that word once, for a crush.

& yes that person does cross my mind from time to time. But now I realise how stupid it is to think that you could possibly LOVE someone at 14. Especially when that person was merely being nice to you.

you’ll get over her someday,  so cheer up. (:


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