a distant memory

I write lyrics and poems for people I like, & I’d like to compile them all and record an album entitled ‘To Each, His Own’ someday. (:

But there are a few songs/poems which were written for …well, girls. :/ I guess right now I seem boy-crazy to the point that it’s hard to believe that I once thought I was bi and announced it on my blog. *shudders* Nothing against bis, really.

Anyway that  day I just suddenly thought about her again and went hmm, she’s really been out of my life for almost 2 years now. I wish I had been a little friendlier back then, maybe we would’ve been good buddies instead of whatever we were. Acquaintances?

Last I saw she was doing pretty well in JC. Which is good.  You know, I think the current me would have made the effort to smile back and talk a little more… urgh but as pathetic as I was back then, she was still…nice. For the most part. & I could never understand why so I would keep trying to analyse every action and word, and ask people what they thought it all meant.

Reading my old diary entries, one would almost think me mad.  yeesh I just spent the past half-hour reading ’em haha. I just remembered this other dude and girl I used to like!! gosh. eek I’m wincing.

That’s how bad it was back then. Also, I can’t believe I thought a certain someone was pretty… worse, she’s the one I publicly claimed to have a crush on. Of all people. And wow I can’t even remember incidents like ppl asking me if the rumours were true, or giving me looks and stuff. Huh.

Heck, old diary entries make for a pretty fascinating read from time to time. If I could go back in time I’d probably be super different, but hey, we learn from our mistakes. & if it weren’t for all the shit I went through then I wouldn’t be the way I am right now…of course I wish I’d left everyone at SN with a positive impression of me, instead of ‘lesbian who was always alone’ , just as I wish I’d left <Kellock> a nice person and not a bitch.

When I leave SP, I hope that I’ll have no – or fewer- regrets. I think so far I haven’t made any major social mistakes. I hope. Mm…if there’s ever a reunion, <Kellock> or SN, I hope that I’ll be able to be friends with everyone I wanted to be friends with but never had a chance to, or that I’ll be able to make up for all the times my insecurities ruined a friendship.

& of course I hope that I’ll go there a successful woman. (:

 

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