I have the sense to be afraid, to be a fool

actually I thought it was without the comma. It makes sense without it.

anyway yeah. Sometimes I tend to replay conversations I’ve had and analyse them. Like : did I say too much here, was that wrong, maybe I shouldn’t have said it in that tone etc…

So I asked Xiu Wen for love advice that day , well not really love advice, more like : ‘Eh, um, Xiu Wen, you can talk to guys easily right? So er, any tips on how to make friends with someone you like?’

It turned out rather funny. Anyway. She said guys don’t like girls who talk a lot, but I thought that they LOVED outgoing girls. I mean, those girls seem to attract the most guys anyway.

I realised that I start babbling whenever I’m excited about something, and it may be a turn-off to some. Back in 08, when we returned to Singapore after our Shanghai trip, XiaoMo told TingTing that I was ‘zi high’ when talking about my new Nikes, and that I ought to be equally enthu when talking about other things as well.

Same thing happened at the poly forum briefing that day. I still wonder if I talked too much. But honestly, if no one’s saying a word and we’re all sitting there in silence, someone has to toss in a suggestion or two, silly or not. There was awkward silence after my Bollywood idea. sigh. But Steven, if you’re reading this, thanks for responding, even if it was delayed.

& then I prattled on about the 80s’ . Okay so I didn’t exactly launch into a long passionate speech or anything, but I think somehow, somewhere, I said too much.

Seriously, I don’t know how to inject passion into everything I talk about, unless I really care for whatever it is I’m talking about, you know?

But that’s me, and to quote Taylor Momsen (a little inaccurately, maybe) :

‘If you don’t like who I am, at least I’m BEING who I am.’

Honestly sometimes I think I’m quite the lameshit. But then at others I think I’m pretty okay.

Anyway, just finished One Day by David Nicholls. Shall watch the movie, perhaps. Emma Morley reminds me of myself a little. Lacks self-confidence, wants to be an author, not quite sure what to do with her life in her early twenties…

Yeah I need a Dexter Mayhew in my life. On second thought, no, because he sleeps around a lot and gets rather wild in the later bits of the book, so.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it up Mount Kinabalu, at this rate. I keep getting stitches when I run. okay just googled ‘how to avoid stitches while running’. Shall take note.

Even if I DON’T get a stitch, I’m just barely wheezing my way through till the end. Damn it I can’t afford to be the weakest link there. Everyone would hate me for sure. I hope there’s someone equally unfit going. 混水摸鱼 , that’s the phrase for it.

In One Day, Dexter tells Emma that she’s gorgeous, but she’s just lacking one thing, and that’s confidence. It’s true, some girls aren’t all that great, but I guess they really believe in themselves, and that’s why people like ’em.



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