I’m captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.

yeah Sparks Fly has been playing on the radio quite a lot. It was always my fave off the album. I remember the epic concert opening…’DROP EVERYTHING NOW’, and like sparkles and …guitar riffs and lots of screams…Kar Men crying… dude beside me singing at the top of his lungs.

my masterpiece

okay anyway. I was so bored today that halfway through the dialogue session I wrote the lyrics out, and then scribbled random ones here and there. Like I said, I’d love to be cheem, really I would, but my puny brain can’t take all this stuff about the Singapore dream and the elderly and foreign talent.

I’m honoured to be a part of this, yes, and I had lots of fun this past week, but honestly when I picked Career as a sub-theme for discussion I was thinking about myself and not Singaporeans in general.

But anyway, I’ve met some really nice people, so. & yesterday for the first time ever I ate lunch with guys, like just me and 5 of them. It wasn’t really awkward, I guess, so yay.

I was really tired yesterday but one comment from Dr Tao made it all worth it.

D.T : “So your mother knows you’re here?”

Me: “Yup.”

D.T : ” She must be proud of you. If I had a daughter like you I would be very proud too.”

AWWWWW! I wasn’t feeling very happy before then, seeing as it was 10 and I’d only had a bit of bread for dinner (not to mention there were stupid flying ants everywhere) , but after he said that I felt like everything was okay.

I was thinking to myself, yeah, I’m on my way to becoming that girl. So who cares if no guys like me right now? The adults can see that I’m worth it, someday some guy will too. I’m vaguely aware that it sounds as though I’m comforting myself, and maybe I am. But for those few minutes I just felt really lucky. I have pretty much everything except …male attention.

The RazorTV dude asked me what I thought about it and I lied again. Or well, I hid the truth. I told him that the format was interesting, which is true, it’s conversational and requires barely any edits I suppose, but I question the quality of their hosts/reporters. Some of them have accents that make me feel sorry to tell people that we speak English in Singapore.

He said I was a natural and so did that SCDF lady but I think they were just being nice. I’d just plucked a dead flying ant off my hair like half an hour prior,and I was basically starving and spewing whatever I could remember Jowin saying about  Lionhearters activities.

I’ve been wasting a lot of time thinking but even if I weren’t thinking I wouldn’t really be doing anything because I’m that lazy. Thinking about what, well. You know.

At least I get pretty decent lyrics out of situations like these. I really need someone to work with, someone who can compose haunting melodies to accompany my emo lyrics. It’s hard to fully relate to Taylor, seeing as she’s now so famous and pretty, but I’m like the voice of the average girl who can never get the guy she likes, & if my lyrics come across as pathetic maybe that’s because I am, at least in this area.

I’m a sucker for a smile that will never be directed at/ meant for me…

I’m a sucker for a laugh that I will never hear

in response to a joke I crack

& I find myself never quite knowing

just how to act.

Surely everyone knows what that’s like.

On a random note I have recurring elements in my dreams and it’s weird. Toilets keep popping up in my dreams, and they’re not clean all the time. Plus, I’m usually alone. Wait I’m gonna Google it now. Er, apparently it just means that I need to go to the loo in real life. OKAYYYYY.

Another strange thing I dream about quite often is taking a shower and then realising halfway that the windows are open and that people are outside. They’re not peeping in but I’m suddenly aware that they might have seen something.

Apparently it means I lack privacy or…well, my interpretation is that I’m my true self until I’m aware of people watching me. Then I stop being myself and start worrying and acting like someone else.

I don’t know. arghhh I need constant motivation!! :((((((






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