What each crush has taught me.

I realised that everyone has something to teach you. But you won’t always be receptive to their advice. However, if you really liked someone, you’d make the effort to try and be a little more like them.

I like crushing on people. I feel strange if I don’t have anyone to like.  It can be a friend, an acquaintance, a random stranger on the street, or a celeb. I’ve had many crushes, but I’ve never truly LIKED anyone before, I think.

Anyway here are the things I’ve learnt from each of them, starting from when I was 12, because anything before that shouldn’t really count.


 He was Pan-Asian and had brown floppy hair and brown eyes. He was quiet and usually had a book in his hand. I liked him for almost 2 years, I think, and tried all sorts of stupid things like trying to matchmake him with my friend, emailing a ‘confession’….yes, it makes me cringe to think of it all now, but he’s the reason why I really like half-Chinese guys with brown hair and eyes. Stupid but true.

(by the way , found him on FB, he doesn’t look at all like he did back then.)


It was serious-like-at-first-sight. My friends are all familiar with this oft-told story of how I fell in love in a matter of seconds, at the United Square taxi stand on a drizzly Thursday afternoon. I still can’t figure out why my mum called me back just to tell me he was handsome, and trust me when I say she’s never done that ever since.

 Oh and he had brown eyes, brown hair and a guitar case. So ‘must have awesome guitar prowess’ was added to the list. The. List.


First time my heart skipped a beat for a girl. I was disgusted, as a former homophobe, but soon I realised that maybe what I wanted was to be like her. Pretty, funny, smart, popular. I was on the bottom rung of the social ladder and she was perched prettily on the top. What I learnt from her was…well, that I ought to try and BE like her.


Another girl. She inspired many little poems/lyrics, so I guess in a way my crush on her was a good thing, though I think I took it too seriously. She was smart and pretty but a mystery.


 Bill Kaulitz. Fell in love with him towards the end of 2007, when TH wasn’t well-known in Asia, or even the US, actually. I was so obsessed I would dream of being with him, and even felt like crying just listening to his voice. I would stare out of windows and think about how sad it was that I was on one side of the world, and him, the other.

 He had the biggest impact on my life, I suppose, out of all my crushes. I was never interested in German at all until he came along. & now, I’m at B1, & I’m hoping to study there, or at least live there for a period of time. He made me trust that there are beautiful guys out there who believe in true love and who refuse to fool around. Sure, now I wonder if he’s trapped in the closet, but…

Anyway, it was really sad when my love for him slowly died. The death knell rang the moment I looked into his eyes for real and felt nothing. I DID lose a huge part of me after that, & I know I’ll never love a celeb that way again, but well…life goes on, huh.



Rhydian Vaughan. His command of English and Chinese just blew me away. If I could speak English with a British accent and Chinese with a Taiwanese accent, I swear, I’d listen to myself yak away all day. Brown hair, brown eyes, awesome guitar prowess, check. What else?

After reading an interview where he mentioned he was currently listening to Phoenix, I checked them out and liked their sound so much I bought their album.

 I decided that I ought to read more plays because of him. I haven’t gotten round to Arthur Miller, but I did complete The Seagull by Chekhov. I also borrowed some acting books in a bid to learn more about his craft, and being an ex-drama student, I felt like it was long-overdue.

I also Googled and found his real FB account. I managed to glean a little more personal info about him, like his favourite music, books and movies. I listened to some Joan Jett, didn’t like it much. I couldn’t get a copy of Welcome to Collinwood anywhere. I haven’t read 1984 or The Catcher in the Rye, but I did manage to borrow Candide, and after that I fell in love with Voltaire.

I couldn’t sleep after stumbling upon his FB account, and I decided to take the risk and send him a long message. My heart was pounding in my chest, my fingers were shaking -no, my entire body was shaking- and wait, did I mention it was 2am? Why yes, it was 2am and there I was, typing ‘fanmail’.

I didn’t get a reply, but I did feel very brave for a while after that.

Being 23 and pursuing a degree in Drama in the UK, he’s obviously leading a very different lifestyle. I won’t reveal how, but I managed to see some photos of his, and he’s the kind to smoke, drink and club. & in a recently published quote he mentioned that sex was one of the best things in the world.

I’m too far behind. Not in terms of ‘I’m nowhere near his league’, but more like I’m not mature enough for such things, and I don’t LIKE such things anyway. Also, I haven’t even graduated with a diploma.


 I didn’t take much notice of him until GEMs ended. Found him pretty cute towards the end. Stalked him for a while, and found out that he was absolutely in love with a girl who didn’t really like him back. What surprised me was that he thought she was beautiful, and he was really devoted to her, though my friends saw her and all agreed that she wasn’t exactly…good looking.

Here’s to you, #7, for showing me that there are guys out there who go for real girls, and who prefer personality over looks. You were also the inspiration for my group’s love story.


 The first time I saw him, I wasn’t that impressed, but for some reason his name kept popping up in my head the next few days. I pumped friends for info, FB stalked…then it kinda died down a bit.

When I next saw him, nothing much happened. No butterflies, no blushing, no heart beating faster, nothing. I still wanted to like him, I suppose, so I told myself that I probably did, maybe it was a good thing that I wasn’t being all klutzy and nervous.

I had a few chances to take the plunge and do/say something, I suppose, but I never did. Whether it was because I genuinely didn’t like him or because it was my intuition telling me that I shouldn’t, I don’t know, but I’m glad for that.

He turned out to be the kind of guy every girl should be wise enough to steer clear of. & if they’re not, then what can I say but they had it coming. As I mentioned, I did feel slightly sad for a minute or so. I think I foolishly believed I stood a chance, but now I know that that’s the way these guys operate.

They reel you in by making you think that there might be something, if you over-analyse enough, which you will, because you’re a girl and girls are unbelievably notorious for doing that. Then if you’re stupid enough to take the bait, they’ll catch you, eat you for dinner and happily move on to the next catch.

random photo from Google but most ‘pretty’ girls look like that anyway. note the apostrophes.

Once again, we’re too different, and it’s not about me not being good enough once again. I don’t wear high heels and makeup, & I still think I’m prettier than those girls with their eye-enlarging contacts, fake eyelashes and  gunk on their faces.  That’s the only thing I think I ‘lose’ to them in. Because in Singapore, strangely, these girls are seen as ‘pretty’.

& just today, I found out about


Tom Price. Half-Brit, half-HKer. Currently in Singapore filming a Channel 8 drama. He’s into science, sports, DJing, graffiti, philosophy, and many other cool things. He wonders about the meaning of life too, and doesn’t like it when people believe things without evidence.

He likes reading about evolution as well. But once again, he’s what, 25, 26…? That’s an even bigger age gap. I’m not even old enough to get into the Love & Pride festival and watch his movie.

But he’s the kind of guy I’d want. Smart, nice, hardworking. Um right, those looks don’t hurt either. He mentioned that he’d point out constellations to his girlfriend on a date, and I think that’s beautiful. I’d love to do stuff like that, lying on a rooftop or grass, or the hood of a car, talking about life, the universe, and the stars. & he could explain physics to me, & I would nod, fascinated, though I never passed a single physics test in my life.

All the other crushes in-between aren’t of much importance anymore. Sorry guys, you didn’t make the cut! HAHA.

The Evolution of Bruno Littlemore is really good so far. I may have just found my next favourite author.




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