I bleed my heart out just for you.

hm been planning my party for a while now. Don’t wanna screw it up. The last time I had a party was back in…2007. I’ve never invited so many people though, and this’ll be the first time I’m inviting guys.

When you’re a kid, planning a party isn’t tough. Hire a magician, play lots of kiddy games at home…

But as you get older, you have to figure out how to get different groups of friends to mix so it won’t be awkward. My 14th birthday was like that -I had the TDs, I had Maria & Justine, Xi Yuan and Hiu Min, Sharon, Brenda, and…was Pearlyn there too?

In any case, it was hard for people to break out of their pairs/little groups. This year, it’s gonna be classmates, sec sch friends (3), the Poly Forum people, and 4 other friends.  About 20 people haven’t responded via FB, so I’ll see how it goes. It may end up being just a small group.

A couple of years ago I chanced upon the book Every Monday Matters in Borders. [gone, & what’s worse, I didn’t even say goodbye] While I didn’t follow the campaign, I liked the idea of it. One of their suggestions was to hold a Party with a Purpose.

I never got round to doing something like that. So since I’m turning 18 this year, it’s somewhat of a milestone, & my first step into adulthood. I’m gonna be closer to becoming the person I want to be.

I know I cannot let go of material possessions just yet. So for now I have to strike a balance. Honestly, I don’t get a lot of gifts from friends on my birthday- in fact, I hardly get any. I don’t know why, maybe they don’t like me enough, or maybe they don’t think it necessary.

In truth, gifts aren’t necessary. I must admit, I do envy people whose pals shower them with presents and spring surprises on them. But I know that my parents will get me the stuff I want anyway, not that I demand much – contrary to what my dad thinks.

I’d be content with a nice, personal letter or card, but I hardly get that too.

So I think it’s time for me to care less about receiving, and focus on giving.

I’ll treat my friends to some fun without expecting anything in return. & I hope to finally sponsor a child. It would be nice if people could chip in, and each feel like they had a part to play in making the world a better place. I’d  love for us to be able to meet and read the sponsored child’s letter together, knowing that we made a difference- on my birthday. Well not really on my birthday exactly, but sort of.

I thought of unicef, because on the planes they have those little envelopes and stuff, but apparently I can’t find a child sponsorship programme. World Vision has an established one, but I need an organisation that will promise me that it will allow the children to have freedom of thought, and while WV assures that they will only push their mission forward where appropriate, it can’t be denied that they are steeped in their beliefs.

So I googled, and I found a couple of other organisations. Orphan Sponsorship International is good as it really tells you where your money is going, but unfortunately they don’t need sponsors right now. I think Plan is another good option.

That day Lucius asked if I knew about the Lion Hearters Club, and I was like yeah I’m technically a default member of it.. he’s VP of the TP chapter. Anyway, I was like : why’d you ask though? & he said it was because I looked like I was the sort who’d be interested in this kind of thing.

I often feel bad when people say I’m sweet or nice, because I’m not genuinely so. I curse quite a fair bit in my head, & I think mean things about people sometimes. I try my best to care about the world, but a lot of the time I get caught up in my own trivial matters.

Maybe that’s only human.



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