so I’mma unfriend you

friendships are such fickle things.

I know we all have our people-hating moods from time to time. Sometimes I feel really alone, like none of my friends really care, and I want to just migrate and cut off all contact.

& sometimes I’m touched that they put up with me for being like that. I mean for Maria & Jus, they had to bear with my constant crying and moaning about being an outcast in secondary school,and after sec 4 I just decided that we ought to stop being friends, and deleted them off FB. But they found their way back into my life, I apologised, they didn’t really ask for an explanation, but I think they understand that I was not in the right frame of mind in Sec 4.

As for Brenda, though we’ve drifted far apart, at least we’ve become those buddies who meet once a year to catch up, which is better than nothing.

Sharon…it’s been like 2 years since it ended, and she hasn’t made any effort to return to my life. I may be much more confident now and in a happier place, but it’s hard to say – there might still be a chink in my armour that would break me down completely.

like on Sunday, when my jazz teacher was asking if I was okay, and needed to rest, and singled me out for dancing badly. I was thinking, great, I’m a loser. I’ve no particular talent. I can’t sing, act or dance.

& then I asked people to donate to my birthday wish, but my messages went ignored. I’m not asking for $10 to fund a Coach bag or something, it’s $10 that will go into a scholarship for a sex trafficking victim!

Honestly. & I was really annoyed yesterday because someone suggested that I postpone my birthday plans just in case we have to do project work. okay, so I’ve invited like 20 plus people, I’ve booked a dance class, I’ve paid for it, I’ve planned everything, and you’re telling me you want me to shift it to a later date so that I can spend my 18th birthday shooting a video for school?

I think people around me don’t place as much importance on birthdays as I do, apparently. Either to them it’s not their birthday so they don’t care, they’d rather do schoolwork instead, even though if there was no party they’d just go home and procrastinate anyway, or birthdays in general are just normal days.

I don’t know but I think it’s rather rude to suggest that I spend my birthday doing something I DON’T WANT to, and this suggestion has been made twice by 2 different people. In all honesty, if you don’t want to come, don’t. Birthdays are sacred to me. It’s been years since I last threw a party, and I’m not letting anyone ruin it.

As for the people who didn’t reply to my invitation, at least a ‘sorry can’t make it’ would have been nice. But now I know, some people just lack basic courtesy. Do you really think I wanted to invite everyone anyway? I invited the whole of 1C to make it a sort of reunion. Usually I’d invite just a small group.

& as for my classmates, something someone said almost made me not want to celebrate. I mean, really, I invited you though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. & I mean, if you think I’m a loser with few friends, fine. Maybe I’m being sensitive. But don’t act as though I’m begging you to come.

And now there’s some drama in school. Seriously. I’m the kind of person who will let go if you want to let go. I hate people who pretend to like a certain girl, when actually everyone hates her. So I’m not gonna be like that. If a friendship is over, it’s over, if you want it back, we can slowly rebuild it.

This is what happens when you put humans together and force them all to interact in a certain environment. After graduation, how many of us will stay friends anyway? With luck, one or two will remain in our lives. & for all I know, they might not even be my classmates.

I certainly didn’t think I’d lose Sharon. I thought Pearlyn would be my childhood BFF. I didn’t expect Lorri & I to still stay close after 5 years.

So honestly, I’ll just leave it all up to fate. Whoever wants to stay in my life, you’re welcome to, and whoever wants to leave, just get out, thank you.

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