some days, all I want to say is bye

Imagine you’re standing on a beautiful mountain in Spain, just enjoying the serenity and taking in the magnificent sight of the town(s?) below, when suddenly you hear : ‘Eh wah lau!’ or something equally vulgar.

& this, ladies & gentlemen, is one of my pet peeves. Bumping into Singaporeans abroad. You can hear them a mile away, I swear. ‘HURRY UP LAH!’ ‘NO,NOT THIS ONE, DAT ONE LAH’ ‘BEHAVE YOURSELF!’ etc…

So many of them in Barcelona, I wanted to cry. Even up in the mountains, there’s no respite. Am I anti- Singaporean? I don’t like to think so…

I have to say, that I hate the way we speak. Our accent is downright unpleasant to the ears, & when people make fun of me for speaking Singlish or with a Singaporean accent, I get very upset. In fact, I cried when one of my dad’s colleagues laughed at my pronounciation of ‘girl’. I thought I’d said it correctly, apparently he heard the very Singaporean ‘ger’.

Kinda worried someone random will read this, mine some words and take them out of context, then announce on Stomp : ARE YOUTHS THESE DAYS ASHAMED OF BEING SINGAPOREAN?

So let me make it clear, I love Singapore as a country.

 

 I just don’t really like us, as a people. On one hand, you have the average Singaporeans, those who speak in sentences peppered with dialect & Singlish and on the other, you have those who speak well but think they’re all that. You have to admit that many Singaporean families are affluent – and this gives rise to a lot of snobbery, even from the middle-class.

We’re also highly competitive. Sure, this is not a uniquely Singaporean trait, but it’s rather annoying how everyone thinks they’re better than each other, and we all have to duke it out to prove it. I’m guilty of trying to one-up others, and it’s honestly tiring – sometimes I wonder, if I’m constantly trying to prove myself to others, am I really doing anything for myself?

When it comes to love, as I’ve often mentioned, I end up getting the shorter end of the stick – actually, nothing.  I don’t know if the problem lies with me, or the boys here. Ma & Lou are dead set against our local guys though. No Singaporean boys unless they’re super duper rich, they joke.

I read a British girls’ mag, where boys talked about their first impressions of girls based on how they dressed, & apparently bright colours attract guys . Here, it’s more like teensy weensy shorts. Glamour also mentioned that to meet more men, you have to MEET MORE MEN – I’ve tried, trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve gone for one-off workshops, events, classes, volunteering – no one.

They also mentioned that it’s no use hanging around nightclubs if you’re into the cultured, bookish type. Well, I go to Kino often, never got approached. Sometimes I pop by the library, same thing.

I guess I’m not gonna find someone here. Still, there’s this irrational fear, this voice that goes : if you can’t even land a guy here, how can you anywhere?

Ma, Lou, Uncle & Auntie thought I resembled Ju Benhua :

that’s her with the guy who assaulted her…and after that she stayed for 3 more days in his apartment and they had sex like thrice, what???

So Ma & Lou were like : please don’t be so stupid.

(the guy isn’t even someone I’d go for, seriously. Not just in terms of looks, apparently he scolded HK reporters : ‘Can’t you speak English? Are you uneducated?’ …now what did I say about Singaporeans and their supposed superiority complex? Who the hell cares if you’re an NUS law undergrad?)

Does everyone think I’m really that weak or something? No guy will treat me badly and get away with it, I swear. I will not have Battered Wives Syndrome. If I lose my senses because I’m in love, I’ll make sure someone else beats me (not literally) until I wake up. I can’t forgive guys who cheat, either. Which is why I think I won’t ever get married.

oh on this trip, I was ready to try being brave and talking to guys, but there were hardly any cute ones. I have no idea why, I didn’t see many youths in general either. Strange, because I recalled Madrid having tons of cuties to ogle. Boo. & nobody goes ‘Konnichiwa’ or ‘Moshi-moshi’ on the streets either, mistaking us for Jap tourists, like in Germany, so I can’t say anything back.

Just about a year to go…right now there’s nowhere else I wanna go but Sciences. Po. Maybe I’ll go to Shanghai, if I can’t get in. But what to study, that’s the question…

planning to make a low budget (like, zero cost) documentary shot entirely on my handheld cam about being 18 and sadly single.

I have a list of interviewees in mind…be prepared.

 

 

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