Confidence, or a scented candle.

okay I asked Rebekah over today to be interviewed for my zero-cost documentary on being 18 and single, & we ended up bringing up Plain Jane, one of my fave shows. Although I don’t really know if you can consider me a fan since I don’t really watch it much, but well -I LOVE IT anyway.

We can predict what Louise is gonna say & all. I guess we love it so much because we can kinda relate to it. We’re sorta guy-shy, and while I don’t think we look exactly like the girls who appear on the show, we don’t feel comfortable calling ourselves gorgeous yet, as Louise assures us every girl is.

Thing is, they’ve never featured an Asian – like  a true-blue Asian, without a British/American/Australian accent. The website just mentions that they want native English speakers. Seeing as the definition is somewhat hazy (some may consider us an Anglophone country, others not) , would I be allowed to join?

Also, the show is based abroad…they’d either have to fly the crew in or fly me there. Huh.  I asked Rebekah to try but she doesn’t have a crush right now. I thought that each Jane had to be good pals with her crush,but Rebekah told me that there were 1 or 2 eps where the girl didn’t personally know the guy, or they weren’t close.

Well, at the moment, I still like E.T so he’d be the one, but in all honesty I get over people and like people so quickly, by the time they start filming, I’d probably be crushing on someone new. Which is weird because I’m supposed to be in love and looking for my happy ending, and not being all fickle – it’s only because I know it’s gonna lead me nowhere. 

Actually I don’t want Louise to change my style – I love my bright colours and leggings.  & I don’t think I’m a boring person. But I must admit that I haven’t been able to overcome my shyness around guys. I am considerably better now, but I still have problems.

There are 2 things I’m absolutely confident about though, & that would be :

my personality & my writing ability.

There have been times when these have let me down, I won’t lie.

But often I bank on these to win people over. Which is why I love it when people use interviews or essays as means of judgment – for admission to a school, for instance, or a show, instead of judging me based on my grades or vital stats.

Back in ’04, when I auditioned for SBK with Annabeth & Flora, I was certain there were many other kids who did better on the written test than I did. I’m sure Flora must have scored either the same or more than I did. But I think I was refreshingly honest during the interview round, I was asked if I enjoyed school and I said no, something something, I can’t remember… & I got in.

I was sure I’d be able to convince our school Director to let me into SPOT, but I didn’t succeed. As for my writing ability, I’ve been fortunate to receive mostly positive comments and to be known as the girl who writes well, but there have been times when my essay wasn’t read out, picked, or even rewarded with a high score. & as I mentioned before, I’ve never thought of it as a talent – many people are just as good, if not better. I fear I may have lost whatever gift I may have possessed – my writing seems to be getting worse.

Which is why I think that somehow I can be like Naruto and convince the Sciences Po panel that I’m qualified to be a student there. What they want to see is the passion, the determination and the ambition. I don’t want to think I’ll definitely secure a place, only to find out that I didn’t. I looked at their syllabus yesterday, it all seems so exciting (in a nerdy I’ll-be-studying-microeconomics-and-sociology-OMG-I-AM-SO-COOL way)…but I don’t want to get my hopes too high up.

I really thought about it, though, & I realised getting in would give me a brighter future than any guy right now ever could. A guy would make me happy, yes, for but a brief period in my life .  A chance to study at an institution like Sciences Po, however, would open my eyes to new experiences and grant me a wealth of knowledge- cheesy as it sounds, it’s true.

I just read Very Classy by Derek Blasberg…I’m so glad people out there agree that there are way too many tramps in the world. Tramps attract douchebags, and ladies will get their princes. I’m always hoping to be that girl, a true lady. I have my flaws, lots of ’em…but I will try my  best to be a proper, sophisticated woman, the epitome of elegance.  Still quite far from that.

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