No more camouflage, I wanna be exposed
& not be afraid to fall.
Yeah yeah okay I’m a pretty dramatic person. Maybe it doesn’t show on the outside, but I take things pretty seriously a lot of the time. Tried adopting a more que-sera-sera approach to life, it only works sometimes 😦
You know how I mentioned before that sometimes I get random bursts of courage? I mean, I guess it’s true that if you sit around waiting for something to happen, nothing ever will, and your chances will remain at 0%.
So yeah I’m gonna try a little harder. Ching Peng said that I could never date a male version of myself, because we’d never get together. I’m not really scared of rejection, I just don’t like it. I don’t know if fear and dislike is the same thing.
I mean, I know it’s not that I’m not good enough, or that the certain guy is out of my league (unless we’re talking princes, heirs and celebs). If I put myself out on the line, I’ll definitely get hurt, because I’m not the kind of girl guys go for. & I don’t want to hear some average dude tell me I’m not good enough. That would probably haunt me for the rest of my life, and affect the way I think of myself permanently.
Although I guess if I’d been a little flirtier, or the guys had been more persistent, I might have had something by now. But I always try to kill any interest on my part after a while, because I tell myself that as much as I want to be in love, I don’t want to be wrong about my feelings and end up broken.
I just can’t flirt.
I know the perfect answer, it’s something 17 would suggest.
‘only if you promise to listen 😉 ‘ with a suggestive wink (I hardly ever use the wink. )
in the end, I settled for : ‘ I will :D’
& here I am, stressing out over whether or not you’ll reply, and if you’ll find me annoying and creepy after a while and decide to ignore me.
The ones crushing are always such sad cases, & most of the time they end up crushed. At least I’ve never liked anyone SO MUCH and for SO LONG, so I haven’t been heartbroken yet.