If you’re a strong female, you don’t need permission.

The BTW Ball lived up to all the hype. Sure, so Maria & I arrived at 2, hoping to catch a glimpse of Gaga, only to discover that she was already inside rehearsing :/ & I didn’t end up buying that gorgeous grey keyboard sweatshirt ($80!!!) , but it was all worth it. Even when we had to wait for almost an hour for the actual gig to start, and I was dying in my heels.

While we were queuing, this girl read out what I wrote on my left arm : ‘they can’t scare me’ – she seemed puzzled . It’s only complete with the other half of the quote , which was on my right arm : ‘if I scare them first.’  It may not be the deepest quote but it’s my favourite Gaga quote because it gives me confidence – it’s like, the other person is human too. Why should I be intimidated by them? Why should I feel inferior?

I honestly expected to burst into tears upon hearing Highway Unicorn, but surprisingly, it was Born This Way that made me tear up…and the tears fell when she gave a little speech before her acoustic rendition of Hair. THE LUCKY DUCKIES IN THE FRONT ROW 😦 BACKSTAGE PASSES, A BIRTHDAY SONG, BEING SINGLED OUT BY HER…GRR.

 They usually pick angmohs/mixed kids for these things …a mere coincidence or carefully planned, I don’t know, but I think that they ought to be a little more aware of the fact that this is a concert in Singapore and that we would like to see fellow Singaporeans get a chance to interact with their idols.

I can’t really tell you why I started crying. I guess it’s because I was painfully aware of my lack of self-love. Sometimes I think I’m awesome but most of the time I let people tell me who I am, spoken or not.  If they go on about how pretty some other girls are, I look at those girls, find them so-so, but convince myself that they must be prettier than me at least, because if they weren’t, why would people be talking about them? & then I go on to justify why my crush or eye-candy of the moment will never notice me because girls like that exist.

just FB-stalked some of those girls that were mentioned. I don’t understand, I really don’t, and it kills me because I don’t like the world when it’s like this. I don’t like thinking that my friends and I are gonna be alone because all the boys are busy lusting after ‘hot’ girls who all share similar characteristics and features – I swear, they all look alike somehow, give off the same vibe. an example from Google. Very typical photo you’d find on their FB profiles. Often taken in their bedroom. Or with their boyfriends hanging off them.

They have long wavy hair, you know, the kind they like to comb through with their fingers nonchalantly from time to time. They put on makeup. They have long legs. They’re kinda skinny. They wear tight-fitting tops and itsy bitsy shorts. Cleavage can be seen in quite a number of pics, hurray. They put on fake eyelashes or contacts sometimes. They make kissy faces. They pout and they lean forward when they pose so that you can enjoy a better view of their boobs.

Survival of the fittest, huh. Because these girls are making sure the rest of us die out, aren’t they? That’s what people want, so more will have to adapt in order to carry on. But I refuse. I know not all boys like girls like that. But it’s just so annoying when everyone puts these girls on a pedestal. Sometimes I think I should go around like Bubble Boy. Then I’ll never have to listen to people talk about everyone else.

You may argue that girls are equally superficial, if not more. True. Guilty as charged. But I’m easily won over by an interesting personality and chemistry. Sure the mean ones might say, pssh yeah of course, not like you’re much to look at anyway so obviously you’d have to have lower standards – you’re never gonna get the hot guy, don’t fret your little head over it.

I’d like to think that that’s not true. But I will stop here. Because I think it’s not nice to be known as the girl who only talks about why boys don’t like her all the time. Nobody will respect me for that.

I cried because Gaga is an amazing role model. She’s talented and she works really really hard.  But what I love most about her is the fact that she encourages women to be independent, and to put their career first. It’s not about the money, it’s about loving what you do, and enjoying life, even without a man by your side. Because a man CAN leave you. But if you build up a solid career, and you’re making money doing something you love, your life would be that much more fulfilling, right?

I know that I’ll still compare myself to the ‘perfect types’. I know that I’ll still look at other girls and wonder what it is they’ve got that I don’t.

But I have to constantly ask myself, what would Gaga say/do? I imagine, if I were to tell her my problems, she’d say : ‘You’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t worry about boys not liking you. Screw them all. Focus on who YOU want to be, FOR YOURSELF. DO WHAT YOU LOVE. ‘

Okay moving on to PUSEM. Missed the 1st two days thanks to the BTW Ball, so I felt really awful when I finally met my teammates. Told some of them the truth and they were understanding about it, so it’s all cool – I hope! haha. They’re a nice bunch, really welcoming and friendly, and I hope our friendship won’t fizzle out like it did with the PF people…

well um I got a lot of mosquito bites. haha. okay no la . that’s not important. I listened to speakers such as the HEAD OF ASIA PACIFIC, LEVI STRAUSS & CO. ! LEVI’S EH! LEVI’S!!!! :0 and the co-founder of Soyato. Then there was Mr Tay, who quit his job at 35 to backpack for 4 (?) years and is now the founder of Ground-Up Initiative. That’s him with some members of SG 5 and Bernard haha, cuz I asked him to join us.

 I had the opportunity to sit next to him at lunch, and I asked if he’d read The Art of Non-Conformity, because he reminded me of Chris Guillebeau.  He hadn’t ..so you see, we’re all connected somehow – we don’t have to be inspired by what someone has done to be able to do the same thing, if you get what I mean..?

On a superficial note I spotted the 1st cute guy yesterday and I kinda tried looking out for him, then as he was squeezing past my table, I think I kinda openly stared. I’m not very sure how long it was but I think I was my brain was processing the info, so it was like : ‘oh hey look cute guy in front of you wait he looks familiar could it be? oh wait maybe it’s not um or well…’ and then he sat down like sorta across me and talked to my teammates. I didn’t say hi though.

But these things are really up to fate, honestly. LIKE HOW I MET BO CHENG AFTER 4 YEARS IN A RANDOM SPANISH CLASS I TOOK UP ON A WHIM JUST BECAUSE IT WAS GOING CHEAP ON GROUPON…what are the odds?!!! Not that we talked – much. But still, the fact that he’s there. Creepy. So yeah if people are meant to come back into your life, they will, even if nothing happens when they do.

Someday I’m gonna have that meet-cute that’s gonna develop into a full plot and not end there, in the beginning. But till that day, I’m gonna remember that I CAN be strong without somebody there. & that I am not inferior to those girls everyone calls pretty or hot, because I’m Pearl Lin Jin and as Gaga said, I am amazing.

We all are.


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