Can’t see myself anywhere else

I was a little bored yesterday so I decided to scroll through Sciences Po’s FB page, and I started thinking about the pretty hoodies I saw the other time. So I went to the online boutique and kinda wanted EVERYTHING there. 

I don’t know why I want to go there so badly. Like I really can’t see myself going anywhere else. I mean, I’ve always been like that, limiting myself to places I like or nothing, but it’s so dangerous. It would be fine if I knew for sure that I could get in. But right now I really can’t tell what my chances are. 

I just feel like I can imagine myself there, taking up Hindi, maybe doing 2 classes of French a week, joining Bollywood Dance and participating in Mini-Crit, taking photos with friends of different nationalities…it just feels so possible, and yet not. I’m just really afraid to want it so much, in case I don’t get it. 

I mean, I don’t even care that people ignore me whenever I say I applied to Sciences Po. It’s true – out of everyone I’ve told, only 2 knew about it before I explained, and the rest pretty much heard only ‘Hong Kong U’ or ‘Yale-NUS, which rejected me’. I used to think that I’d have to attend some pretty well-known school, at least one people have heard of, but I honestly don’t mind that no one seems to know about Sciences Po here because in Europe it’s a pretty big deal and I’d be really proud to be a student. 

I wish my interview was last week so I’d know my results soon but now I have to wait till Feb, which means that I’ll only know if I’m in by March-April. Which sucks because I want to enjoy my break with the knowledge that I got in, instead of the constant worry that I didn’t. 

I think I’ve made it so obvious that I want to go there that it would be embarrassing and not to mention, totally crushing to have to inform people that I didn’t get in. Creative visualisation has never really worked for me so I don’t know if I ought to try or not. 

In any case I’m just gonna wait this out and see. 

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