I’m like a paper girl

I feel like I’m always waiting for something or someone to change my life and turn it upside down. Singapore isn’t a paper town but sometimes it sure feels like it. Or maybe the world we live in is just this way. Paper people having their paper fun. I just want something concrete for once. Like, what am I working towards and living for? It just keeps changing, and I feel so flimsy. 

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Like Margo Roth Spiegelman, I want to leave badly, not because of my parents but just because I feel like there’s something out there – the world doesn’t seem so bleak once you actually explore it and see its beauty. 

I was reading Just One Day by Gayle Forman, and it made me long to go to Paris on my own. I’ve always been travelling with my parents or the school, and it’ll definitely be different alone .

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The closest I’ve ever gotten to doing that was I think an hour or two of shopping at a mall in Lyon, most of which I spent in Jennyfer figuring out what to buy to make use of a discount I didn’t get in the end. 

I think what excites me is the prospect of meeting that someone abroad – that movie fantasy of 2 lone, young travellers who get on the same train and decide to spontaneously explore new places together. Crazy, I know. But I like dreaming about that. 

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I don’t know if this wanderlust is a result of my upbringing or if I just naturally want to see places and be in places. I wouldn’t mind a nomadic existence. I know some people don’t like constantly being uprooted but I think change is great, once in a while. 

Speaking of change, I think it’s alright to want to change for people, as long as it makes you a better person. If you’re changing who you are just to be liked/accepted, then that’s not right. But if say, you decide to dedicate your life to saving kitties because that person loved cats, or you tell yourself that you have to pursue your dreams because that person likes ambitious people – I think that’s beautiful. 

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They changed you for the better, and you’re changing the world for them – it’s just wildly romantic. They may never know, but the world is a better place because of it. Maybe it’s stupid of everyone to be doing things because of others and not because they really want to, but slowly you’ll find that that change becomes you. 

Does that sound very hokey? I like living life as though it’s a movie. Like you’re part of something bigger, and someone out there is watching, rooting for you to get your happy ending – the job you wanted, the person you’re meant to be with. 

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Trying to make my movie a little more exciting but I need more supporting characters and extras. It can’t be a movie without people in it. And I need a plot of some sort. Or conflict. Something to spice it up. 😦 

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