‘cuz I feel like I’m the worst, so I always act like I’m the best.

Nothing new going on in my life right now …just bought a couple more Groupons to fill up my time during my break, when it finally comes. 6 months straight of work – longest  I’ve ever gone without a holiday. Worth it though, I guess. 

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Finally read Tina Fey’s Bossypants (okay, I know I’m always late to the party. yeesh.) and now I’m halfway through Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) .  Would love to be like them, but I don’t think I’m funny enough.

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I get the occasional laugh from people (unless they were pity-laughs. Oh goodness. Maybe all along I’ve been under the impression that I’m witty, when all along they were pity-laughs.) , but my sense of humour isn’t the universal kind. Class clown I am not. 

 

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Been taking a look at what interpreters do – I mean, I kinda wanna do something that’s related to languages and helping people , so …it’s a highly stressful but rewarding job. I think it’s really cool, but can I even get there? I’d have to read up on current affairs and everyone knows how hopeless I am when it comes to that. I don’t know, I used to care and read the papers everyday when I was a kid. & then as I got older somehow I just lost that interest in the goings-on of the world. 

I think I wanna work towards that, though. Even if I don’t make it, I can always do something with languages, right? I’ll have to work much harder. I have time to sacrifice, after all. I asked my mum that day- what if I end up like Park Geun-Hye, dedicating my entire life to public service, without a partner? & she was like, if you can become the President of South Korea then who cares whether or not you have a husband? She’s a smart woman. 

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I’d love to be able to do that. I truly wish I could say ‘I don’t care’ and mean it. I mean, what is wrong with me?? I’ve been lucky enough to be given all this free time to work on myself, but I waste it with distracting thoughts. It’s like I’m leaving these gaps in my life, waiting for people to fill them up, but they don’t. & I think my fear is that when I finally do accept reality and choose to focus solely on doing what I have to, they’ll come. & then I can’t fit them in anymore. 

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But maybe that won’t ever happen…anyway while Jan was reading out food reviews I kinda related it to myself, which is pretty dumb I guess but I can find ways to link even beef noodles to love. Yeah. Bet you can’t do that.

Anyway she read out a lot of positive reviews about this popular stall, and then a few negative ones. So I kinda thought, one person could find these noodles THE BEST EVER, but another might find it merely meh.  It may be lauded as one of the best beef noodle stalls in Singapore, but someone out there finds it so-so, and may prefer that lone stall in the corner barely anyone patronises. 

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OKAY my point is, I’m waiting for that one person to buy that bowl of underrated beef noodles. It may not be that tasty. The broth might be a little too thick, the noodles a little limp, the beef too tough – whatever. But give it a chance, at least. It might surprise you.

 

 

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