Been reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. As usual I feel really pumped up and all ‘YES THIS TIME I’M GONNA CHANGE MY LIFE’ , but it’s probably gonna fade once I’m done with the book. It made me realise that I have a couple of pretty bad habits – like my milk tea addiction and how thoughts of being single haunt me everyday.
I didn’t really think much about my need to have milk tea accompany my every meal, until Jan pointed it out …that’s when I realised that yeah, it’s become a habit that I oughta kick. I order it even when I don’t really feel like drinking something.
As for being single, there isn’t really a trigger. The thoughts just surface and play in a loop. I know that I shouldn’t be thinking such stuff, but it’s become automatic. So I tried using the cue-routine-reward habit loop to figure out how I can change.
Basically what I’m seeking is external validation, right? So what if I can get that from other sources – or even better, do without it? The thing is, how? & that’s where I’m stumped.
I can’t quite tell you if I’m actually a confident person or not. I guess it depends on the situation. One of the biggest problems I have with dancing is my lack of confidence. I don’t know if that contributed to my poor performance for ATOD Jazz, but I have been consistently told that I shouldn’t be so shy and afraid of dancing in front of others.
When Ms Nonis was talking about sending people in for exams, she said that I needed to work on my confidence – that I was ‘quite a strong dancer’ but that I had to be confident. & I was so surprised, because honestly I would’ve pegged myself as the worst dancer in class. Might not be ready to take Inter Found this year, but hopefully soon…determined to keep at it.
I suppose I’ve been coping with the fact that I’m staying relatively well. Maybe the next 4 years are meant to be spent working on myself and fine-tuning skills that I possess, so that I’ll be a better person. Love will only distract me, right?
& if you’re gonna spend forever with someone, I guess meeting him after I’m 23 is fine…I’m just worried that work will come after that, & before I know it I’ll be 50 & coming home to my cats. Ma says she’ll bet all her money that would never happen. Oh mother, you overestimate the attractiveness of your daughter. I’m an effective Man Repeller.
Work is ending soon…here’s to an awesome break! Planning to sign up for CSTD Summer School as well to improve. Tons of things on my to-do list, if I have the willpower to complete ’em. & I hope that by the time August rolls around I’ll be ready to take on the next chapter in my life.