I’m so excited & I just can’t hide it

so I’m typing this without specs, a first!  yay. pardon any errors…vision still a bit blurry.

went for the NUS talk yesterday…lecturers were cool and funny. I’m set on Global Studies though, unless I fail the module….this might sound crazy since I got C6 for O level bio but I’m gonna take a risk & try to do General Bio so that I can…*squeaky voice* apply for a minor in Life Sciences. I think it’ll help me formulate arguments better as a humanist – & I can probably reread Dawkins’ stuff and understand it a little more. Don’t know if I oughta take the chance though but…worth a shot, right?

I asked Prof Straughan if I could do 2 languages concurrently and she advised against it, but the way I see it, if people can handle double degrees or double majors, languages should be a walk in the park, right? I’ll see how it goes.

A month ago I was very upset about not having gotten into Sciences Po, but now I’m genuinely excited to start school. I guess learning stuff you’re interested in is infinitely better than forcing yourself to study something you don’t like at all…Prof Straughan brought up a point – that no one would question your credentials if you mentioned NUS but mention a lesser-known uni and people might be like, what? This I know all too well because the name Sciences Po just pretty much flew past the head of anyone who asked me where I applied.

Still, I’m determined to do well and apply for exchange, attend various summer programmes, intern, maybe maybe maybe do well enough to spend my 3rd year in Yale (dreams, sigh).

Hope there’s enough time to dance and do other stuff…everyone makes it sound like it’s all about grades and that you’ll be super duper busy… 😦

I think everyone is just driving themselves crazy listening to everyone else talk. Like The Secret says, we’re only gonna lose out if we keep thinking of others as competition. There’s enough of the success pie to go around.

I still feel a little paranoid, sure (will there be a lot of people aiming to do Global Studies? will I have to fight to take it as a major?) , but I think it’ll be okay.

Flipped through my issue of Time as well as Glamour…Imagine being on the list of the 100 most influential people in the world. To have that kind of power…imagine the things you could do. & I mean it in a good way, not a muahaha-world-domination way. How much easier would it be to change something? Glamour featured college girls around my age who are doing amazing things – makes me wonder what I’m doing with my life.

Thought about it that day, how nobody who interviews you is gonna be like : so tell me dear, how many admirers have you had? & call them up as ‘referees’. They’re not gonna take a random guy’s word over your previous boss’/teacher’s, right? Even if aforementioned guy won’t stop raving about how beautiful you are and how you’re the perfect girl and he swears you’re so intelligent you could do anything. So yeah. My point is, impress the people who matter. The ones who might give you a leg up in your career. So no guy is gonna vouch for my character and ability to work – so what, right? I have a couple of other people who would be glad to. 

Been hearing so many stories about cheating/failed relationships lately that it just makes me sad – like you can’t really trust anyone. Gaga was right, your career isn’t gonna wake up one morning , decide it doesn’t love you anymore and leave you. It’s not gonna sleep with your best friend the night before your wedding (TRUE STORY). It’s not gonna break off a relationship after 7-10 years. It’ll never break your heart.

If no woman can ‘have it all’, then at least our career is something we can work on ourselves – we don’t have to rely on fate & chemistry & whatever crap. Okay maybe connections matter and stuff but if you’re doing everything else right then I doubt there’s any way you’d fail. At the very least, you’ll be able to earn your own keep. I’m a little scared I’m all talk and no action though. Like shouldn’t I have done something extraordinary by now? Instead I’m just a mediocre soon-to-be-not-teen.


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