You can’t repeat the past

This is what Nick Carraway said to Gatsby. 

I’ve come to realise, after watching the movie twice and reading the book along with a lengthy introduction/analysis, that I am somewhat similar to both Nick Carraway and  Gatsby. Like Carraway, I feel contempt and disgust not at the rich but at youth in general.

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Teenagers and their ‘fun-loving ways’. Their attitudes towards sex, drugs, alcohol, partying… it makes me sad. But if I were to share these opinions, I’d probably be thought of as a prude or a bore, or someone with a holier-than-thou attitude. 

I’m not even religious (far from it), but sometimes I feel like I’m more conservative than some believers. 

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As for my similarity to Gatsby…we’re both hopelessly stuck in the past, fixated on the one thing that seems so near and yet so far. Once we do get what we want though, would the significance of it be diminished? Would it cease to be beautiful and glittering? Like I said, I’ve always only liked people I didn’t really know – perhaps because I didn’t want them to stop being my ‘green light’.

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I never truly wanted to be with any of them. I was content ‘liking’ them, even to the extent of feeling angsty over my ‘invisibility’. As long as they were a safe distance away, they could continue enchanting me. Gatsby wanted to ‘recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving Daisy’.  Likewise, a little bit of me changed each time I liked someone new. Perhaps I listened to more obscure bands. Perhaps I read more books. Perhaps I ran a little more. 

I guess my point is that I have to stop being this way. I need to be here, now, in the present. And I can only do that by letting go of the past. 

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That night, as my friend confirmed that things were going to become official with a guy, I decided that my ghost had to go. I couldn’t keep hoping, when I had nothing to go on. Other girls get texts, flowers, letters, whatever – and all along I’ve had nothing. But what made me a big fool was the fact that I never wanted to let go. 

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I know that you can’t completely erase the memory of having met someone, but I believe that in time, their name will no longer elicit a response from you. Maybe just a mere ‘hm’ if someone brings them up – but no anger, sadness…just a vague feeling of having known them once. 

I guess if there are any girls who are holding on to unrequited crushes…I just wanna say that nobody is worth waiting for, despite what cheesy tumblr quotes might tell you.

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Everything is so temporary- people quit their marriages after 10 years, they suddenly get in an accident and die, they just decide never to talk to you again – don’t bother waiting.

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Life is too short. Go on. If you’re lucky enough to find someone else you could like that likes you back, then let go of that ghost and be glad you’ve found something real. 

 

 

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