Contrary to popular belief (okay, fine, maybe my relatives and certain people) , I’m actually pretty okay being alone. Maybe it’s a little too early to speak seeing as it’s only the 1st day after Ma left, but I think that my favourite moments are really when I’m walking alone and taking everything in – the sights, the sounds, the people…
It’s like I can pretend that my fantasies might come true – that there are endless possibilities. I’m free to do whatever I want. I can dream of falling in love with a complete stranger, without somebody telling me that it’s never gonna happen.
Despite everyone’s jokey wishes about me finding a French boyfriend, nothing of interest has happened. I just really can’t talk to guys, whatever nationality. The more I look at couples , the more I think that I’m never gonna know what it feels like. & I’ve come to terms with that, more or less.
Maybe I could be happy with my girlfriends and solo travelling…I know a lot of people travel with their SOs but well, travelling alone has its merits as well. I don’t want to be sad about my situation anymore, because people judge me for talking about it so much.
Well, where would I go alone…? I think I’d tick off the places on my must-visit list…I’m sure I could follow some group to Namibia, and Xi’An shouldn’t be hard to navigate my way around. I think I’d probably spend a bit more time in France and Germany in the future. Maybe try to see if I can be posted there for work or something.
Classes have been great, though tiring…this little taster of Sciences Po life has kinda verified that I probably wasn’t Le Havre material. I may return for exchange, though, but I’m not too sure. It’s ridiculous how my French gets all screwed up when I’m nervous- like when people ask questions and I have to immediately answer, I get even the most basic phrases wrong. It’s so annoying.
I thought that coming here would help me forget…sometimes it works, but then suddenly I’m reminded that most girls are attached and I realise that no matter how far I try to run, I can’t run away from reality.
Also, will be going ahead with Hair For Hope this year, finally. No regrets. If I write it here, I’m gonna do it. I may not be doing it for the right reasons – back in secondary school, I wanted to run away from a different sort of pain…and now, I’m doing it because I want to tell the world that I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid of not appearing like a stereotypical girly girl, because it’s done nothing for me so far. The message of HfH is that bald is beautiful. & even if no guys think so, I don’t care.