Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone.

Contrary to popular belief (okay, fine, maybe my relatives and certain people) , I’m actually pretty okay being alone. Maybe it’s a little too early to speak seeing as it’s only the 1st day after Ma left, but I think that my favourite moments are really when I’m walking alone and taking everything in – the sights, the sounds, the people…

It’s like I can pretend that my fantasies might come true – that there are endless possibilities. I’m free to do whatever I want.  I can dream of falling in love with a complete stranger, without somebody telling me that it’s never gonna happen. 


Despite everyone’s jokey wishes about me finding a French boyfriend, nothing of interest has happened. I just really can’t talk to guys, whatever nationality. The more I look at couples , the more I think that I’m never gonna know what it feels like. & I’ve come to terms with that, more or less. 

Maybe I could be happy with my girlfriends and solo travelling…I know a lot of people travel with their SOs but well, travelling alone has its merits as well. I don’t want to be sad about my situation anymore, because people judge me for talking about it so much. 

travelling alone

Well, where would I go alone…? I think I’d tick off the places on my must-visit list…I’m sure I could follow some group to Namibia, and Xi’An shouldn’t be hard to navigate my way around. I think I’d probably spend a bit more time in France and Germany in the future. Maybe try to see if I can be posted there for work or something.  

Classes have been great, though tiring…this little taster of Sciences Po life has kinda verified that I probably wasn’t Le Havre material. I may return for exchange, though, but I’m not too sure. It’s ridiculous how my French gets all screwed up when I’m nervous- like when people ask questions and I have to immediately answer, I get even the most basic phrases wrong. It’s so annoying. 

I thought that coming here would help me forget…sometimes it works, but then suddenly I’m reminded that most girls are attached and I realise that no matter how far I try to run, I can’t run away from reality.

running away

Also, will be going ahead with Hair For Hope this year, finally. No regrets. If I write it here, I’m gonna do it. I may not be doing it for the right reasons – back in secondary school, I wanted to run away from a different sort of pain…and now, I’m doing it because I want to tell the world that I’m not afraid.  I’m not afraid of not appearing like a stereotypical girly girl, because it’s done nothing for me so far. The message of HfH is that bald is beautiful. & even if no guys think so, I don’t care. 




2 thoughts on “Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone.

  1. LucioZ says:

    Hallo und nett, sie zu treffen! Nice to meet you! I ran into this blog on a slim chance, but decided to take a read.

    I can completely relate to that feeling of being alone. Recently I’ve been put into a situation where I’ve experienced the same, and I can say I never thought I’d enjoy myself without the company of others. There’s no one to say that you can’t do anything you want to. That negative person isn’t there to put you down. So technically, anything is possible in that alone aspect. Maybe being alone helps you learn more about yourself?

    Now for the whole relationship part, I can also relate. You’re not alone in the aspect. To the surprise of many, I have never dated in my life. If people heard me say that, they would laugh. Still, I know that it’s alright. There’s nothing wrong with being that way. Everyone’s different and some of us don’t want to date. Perhaps we have problems talking to the opposite gender as you said. If you end up with the right person it doesn’t really matter if you’ve dated or not. They won’t care.

    I don’t mean to judge, but it sounds like your main goal was to meet someone in your college. If that’s keeping you from having an enjoyable time then don’t worry about it! Don’t go out looking for someone, go out looking for yourself. Do a few things for you!

    Just remember that there is always someone like you out there. Whether it be a guy, or a girl it doesn’t matter. Some of us are more unique than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that; if anything it’s a blessing. I like to think that no matter who you are, there’s always someone who cares. It doesn’t matter if you’re bald, sick, old, overweight, or any other negative traits. So yes, bald is beautiful to the right person.

    All the best,

    • p says:

      Hallo! Sind sie Deutsch? Danke (:

      Me too…I always thought that I needed someone there with me, but I guess that I don’t, really. And yes, being alone kinda helps me realise what I love doing – going for dance classes, poking around shops, just strolling in the gardens…

      Ah,perhaps it’s okay with you because you don’t want to, but I think my main problem is that I would like to but I never get asked out hahaha. It’s true that the right person wouldn’t mind, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever meet him! & I would like to have at least gone for a nice dinner or concert with someone I liked before I die or something hahaha!

      Well I wouldn’t say that it was my main goal as I AM happy with my classes and ‘improving my French’ but it was something that I fantasised about, and just like every other time, I’m disappointed by reality. But thanks…I’ve been having fun with my girlfriends,so I’m good. It’s just that sometimes I get a little down about it all.

      You’re right (: I’m glad I’ll be able to do it this year.

      Take care and all the best too,

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