One little casual remark is often enough to set me thinking (and blogging about it to get it off my chest). I guess if you hang around me long enough you’ll realise that I take some things seriously and am lax/stubborn about others. Case in point :
Crush-at-the-time: You know, most guys like slim girls.
Me : (attempting to charm with my self-deprecating wit or lack thereof) Oh, it’s okay. It’s my goal to be like the Mexican man in the caravan who weighs like 300kg and roll around all day.
It was probably the wrong thing to say, but it was a raw, unfiltered Pearl thing to say. Another girl might feel like he’s implying that she’s fat and embark on a diet to win him over, but me? I don’t want a guy who is like ‘most guys’. Which brings me to my main point – individuality is so important, but we’re constantly being made to think that there’s something wrong with us if we’re not like ‘most people’.
I never understood how people could be so superficial to the point where they wouldn’t want to be friends with someone just because that person wasn’t good-looking enough. I actually think it’s really sad to be so shallow. That person might be the nicest, funniest or most interesting person around, but you won’t even give him/her a chance because of his/her appearance. & so you miss out on a potentially great friendship and the chance to learn from that person.
I also think it’s really odd to tell me that I have the privilege of being your friend because my personality compensates for my lack of physical attractiveness. Looks shouldn’t even be a factor when picking friends.
Maybe if I felt like my looks were responsible for getting me places and meeting people , I would place more importance on them and I’d be a totally different person. But since I’ve never been ‘the prettiest one’, I’ve had to rely on other things for an ego boost. I’ve been told so many times that I’m ‘not pretty’ and various euphemisms like ‘normal/decent-looking’ (who are you fooling? we all know what you truly mean : U-G-L-Y) . People who are vain wouldn’t dare shave their heads, even for charity – but I would (next year, probably. I’ll make sure I’m around in July).
Even celebs that I think are gorgeous get called fat and ugly, though. So I guess I really shouldn’t take all these comments to heart. I’m more confused than ever about who I am, but no matter what, I always want to be making my own decisions.
On another note, I keep watching the Lebenslangerschicksalssatz clip from HIMYM…I just feel like it’s my absolute favourite because Klaus says that everyone finds theirs eventually, and at the end you see The Mother nearby. So whenever I feel down, I think about this clip and how it took Ted a long time to find The Mother. Someday I’ll find my Lebenslangerschicksalssatz.
I think that when I was a kid it was much easier to shrug things off and concentrate purely on my goals – but as a young adult, it’s like there’s no selectively permeable membrane anymore (do I even make sense?) …like everyone’s opinions just enter my mind and stay there, influencing me and knocking me off-tangent. Must. Focus. I know I keep saying that, but I really must not let my childhood dreams die just because I’m lazy and distracted by everyone else.