Maybe I’m headin’ to die but I’m still gonna try. I guess I’m goin’ alone.
Once in a while I feel like my primary school self again. Not in the sense that I feel like a kid, but that I feel like I can do anything. Even win an Oscar or a Nobel Prize and change the world. Like I wanna do/be anything and everything.
These moments are rare and fleeting, though. After a day or two I settle back into my old routine and just become mopey ol’ me again. Just your average girl trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life.
Anyway what triggered this whole ‘time-to-be-go-getter-me-again’ thing was when my friends were talking about going on exchange, and I casually flipped through this Columbia University Summer Prog brochure I picked up a couple of weeks back. So there’s this Certificate in Human Rights/UN Studies…and I think that’s pretty darn awesome. Summer school is seriously expensive though…way more than exchange. But I think my hopes of going to LMU/FUB/Sciences Po/ Sorbonne are dashed anyway. So maybe it’s worth it aiming for one really good summer programme. Not this year though.
The March issue of Seventeen is also all about girl power, and it’s pretty inspirational. I’m turning 21 this year, but I haven’t even accomplished a smidgen of what all these powerful girls have. Sometimes I feel really tired and listless but I ask myself : What have you done that justifies your being ‘tired’? Like c’mon, are you busy doing something meaningful? NO. So quit saying that cuz you haven’t done enough.
Maybe it sounds like I’m being a little harsh on myself but I honestly feel like I’m not doing enough. My groupmates joked that I was super busy but honestly I think that I have a lot of free time and that I should have a more jam-packed schedule. I’m nowhere near extraordinary. I just can’t seem to push myself to get to that level. To be the kind of girl Sheryl Sandberg would be proud of.
I sure hope I’m getting there though.
“In a few years..even if it sounds completely crazy..what is it you wanna do with your life?”
” I want to…end poverty.”
“Great…and every decision you make from here on out, should be in service of that.”
Wise words from the Naked Man on HIMYM. I feel like I can relate to The Mother, though she’s obviously way prettier and quirkier than I am but still…I want to make a difference too. Her decision to take up an Econs degree was a result of realising her ultimate goal, & that subsequently led her to Ted, so…maybe the person I’m meant to be with is busy getting to where he wants to be, too. & just like I wouldn’t want someone getting in the way of my dreams, meeting right now would only be a hindrance to him as well. So I’ll silently, slowly work my way towards where I wanna go…