Ain’t it fun? Living in the real world.

So there I was, ranting to my parents about a remark someone made almost a year ago, when I thought I’d already put it behind me. Apparently not. Suddenly reminded of it by my friend’s own little drama, I felt fresh rage once more at having been unfairly labelled, as though he’d said it only yesterday. 

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Yes, I hold grudges that last for a long, long time. After a couple of years it all seems pretty trivial and I move on, but right now there are a few people on The List. If the best revenge is being better than your enemies, well, I’m bent on doing that. 

I hope your cockiness and your inability to speak Mandarin puts you at a disadvantage when you’re out hunting for a job. May your ‘unique sense of humour’ offend your colleagues and bosses. Perhaps I shouldn’t have told you what you did wrong – should have just let you run that smart mouth of yours and land yourself in trouble someday. 

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I don’t really care much about that girl from my poly days anymore, or my ghost. Whether they are happy or not doesn’t matter to me. I choose to believe that karma will take care of them. That she’ll realise how few friends she has and that he will never find anything real or stable, relationships or job-wise, because he keeps starting things and leaving.

I guess all these people serve as good motivation every now and then. A reminder that I need to work harder to get to a point where they’ll see my face and feel sorry that they ever said those things about me. Of course , by then, I wouldn’t actually need the apology. But it will feel good. 

I was walking around the shops trying to kill some time before dinner and found myself particularly attracted to blazers, blouses, pencil skirts and the like. You know the whole idea about ‘dressing the part’? Or ‘faking it till you make it’? It’s silly, really, but I did feel quite powerful in the little outfit the salesgirl had picked out for me, after I told her I was looking for something ‘office-appropriate’ (a lie, since my office isn’t very strict about the dress code). 

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I remember writing about how good I feel everytime I put on a blazer and look at my reflection – like I’m someone with someplace important to go; something important to do; something important to say. Like I’m someone who is important, period. 

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like Marissa Mayer or Sheryl Sandberg (oh I just noticed that they both have alliterative names)!

It will take effort, definitely, to look polished all the time. But maybe it’s worth it, if I want to be taken seriously. I know that I’ve made my weaknesses very apparent, but so far I’ve been lucky to avoid huge slip-ups that I can’t recover from… I can only hope that it will stay this way. 

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